Never would I have thought that the sight of tinned tomatoes would cause such a visceral reaction, but here we are, March 2020 and going to the supermarket is nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster.
It begins outside, eyeing up those I walk past, trying to judge their health, cleanliness and if they've been taking the lockdown seriously, all in a momentary glance. I find my place in the queue and nervously look over my shoulder at anyone flouting the rules enforced by the two metre distance tape, seeing it instead as a light suggestion.
Once I finally receive the stoic nod to enter, I am greeted by one of the toughest decisions of the day; do I get a basket? Suddenly, a thought which has never occurred to me before- who has used this basket before me? Is all I can think about. I decide against it, convincing myself I'm only grabbing a few essentials. But before I've even made it to the vegetable aisle, both hands are full, one with a Malbec the other a Sauvignon Blanc. I sheepishly retreat to the entrance to collect a basket and note the slow head shake of the security guard, knowing all too well the error of my ways.
I head for the loo roll aisle with genuine hope, truly believing all the dickheads must have stockpiled enough by now. Only to be greeted by empty shelves with just a few stray boxes of tissues left as evidence of what once was. I snap up a box to not return empty handed after making ludicrous promises of an abundance of toilet paper.
I press on. I chuckle at the idea of even seeing a glimpse of a high value item like a tinned tomato or a box of paracetamol and continue to stride confidently down aisle after aisle. But suddenly, I see something. Could it be? It's probably tinned cherries, tinned cherries are a thing right? No wait, it is. It's tinned bloody tomatoes. As if not to scare them away I crouch slowly, look up and down the aisle in astonishment and delicately place two in my basket. Stunned and frankly light headed from the adrenaline, I stand up and proceed to text my nearest and dearest to tell them of the sacred news.
TWO TINS OF TOMATOES. CAN YOU BLOODY BELIEVE IT?!!